Down With the Sadness

I won’t lie, I’m not okay. 

I genuinely thought that, after we found out IUI round 2 didn’t work, that I’d pull out of the funk I was in pretty quickly. 

I mean, I’ve heard we weren’t pregnant pretty much once a month for over 2 years, so I didn’t really think this time it would be different. But for some reason, it has. 

 I can’t seem to feel better or hopeful or anything that isn’t “crushing defeat” which is a true sucky feeeling. In a few hours, we’re having our third IUI, and I want with all my heart to feel hope, but I don’t. 

I am simply crushed and struggling to breathe which I hate. The more sad I feel, the more I think I’m just being whiny. And when I feel like I’m whining, I try to stop wanting the thing. 

But I can’t stop wanting it right now, and I know that it’s unlikely I will stop.

So in the meantime, I have to focused on statistics. The chances of us getting pregnant raise when we do back-to-back procedures, and they increase with each procedure in a chain. For now, we have 2 in succession and we’re using a new medication, so maybe that’s our magic bullet. Please?